Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Diet Update

Well, despite a few slips this week ...

Ok, in the spirit of honesty, these weren't slips. These were dinner parties, and I knew full well I wasn't going to be nibbling dainty little half portions. I amended the rest of my diet to compensate for chowing down, then threw caution to the wind and wolfed it all back. First came an invitation from Assisi (friendly lady from the village) for Friday night. She was incredibly nervous about cooking for us, but by god did she do herself proud. 3 courses, including 2 puddings, and her only mistake was forgetting to serve roasted mushrooms, which she discovered in the oven the next morning. I'm not sure how she managed. When I cook, I always have Fisher to help. She did everything on her own, without a finger of help. We ate like ravening hounds, drank like parched nomads, and woke on the morrow with heads the size of Uranus (fnar fnar). This actually helped in the diet amendment stakes, as we didn't feel like eating anything, but I wouldn't recommend it.

On Sunday we went and met Ceegar and Meeper at Loch Leven Larder, where I failed myself by being unable to resist bacon, sausages, poached egg, black pudding and mushrooms. I didn't eat the mushrooms as they were watery, but everything else was shamelessly consumed. We then went for a 3 mile walk through the nature reserve, found an old mausolem and 18th century kirkyard hidden in the undergrowth, and gave the dogs a good bounce. We were accosted by huge goats on the way back to the car, but luckily they responded well to being advanced upon (slowly) and having a hat waved at them. I tried my best Maltese goatherd's "hut-hut" cry, but they obviously don't speak Maltese goatherd. They shifted reluctantly and we made it back to the cars ungored.

We then popped into the village to show our faces at the gala, held to celebrate the opening of the re-located shop. Shah was the compere, and while he threatened to put me on stage with a guitar, I managed to persuade him that such an action would cause the clearing of the streets faster than the descent of a nuclear warhead. We escaped unmolested, and went home.

That evening we had Shah, Epona and Assisi round for Sunday supper. Poor Epona is very down in the dumps. Her Argentinian mare received a nasty wound from kicking some fencing when spooked in the night, and a splinter of wood jagged into her joint. The synovial fluid was cloudy so they've had her on antibiotics, but she's not doing well. They think they'll have to put her down, but she's clinging on at the moment so we've all got our fingers tightly crossed. Anyway, it meant that Epona was in a glum mood that night. She was slightly cheered by the food, I'm glad to say. We roasted a leg of lamb and stuffed it with brandy-soaked apricots, figs, prunes and walnuts, with a few breadcrumbs to bind. I boned the lamb myself, and didn't massacre it, which I was pleased about. Fisher did the veg and spuds, as usual, which is pretty much to say that she did all the work and I got all the glory (except her spuds were very well received). We then had tart au citron from Tesco. So, all in all, not a very light day on the calorie front.

To amend for the evils of Sunday, I ate very little yesterday. I missed breakfast owing to laziness, and had half a fisherman's platter and half a starter of paté for lunch (Fisher and I shared). The fisherman's platter was smoked salmon, smoked mackerel paté and a fishcake. The fishcake was probably the thing highest in fat, but it was all delicious - and only half a portion. Half a slice of brown bread and butter doesn't make me feel guilty, either. Then, later, Fisher decided to go and try out the new yoga class at our gym, so I felt compelled to come too. Yoga ... god, I hate it so much. But it is something I should really do, what with my short hamstrings and long abdominals. Unfortunately, when we arrived I realised I just could not face it, so I opted for a run instead. Turns out it was a good choice. I ran along the river bank to the end of the road and back again. It was a beautiful evening, with the evening sun glittering on the water, keeping the midges away. I did 3 1/3 miles of undulating terrain and got as close to enjoying a run as I've ever done. Unfortunately, Fisher had a terrible time at beginner's yoga. I popped in to wait for her to finish and just got the tail end of it. There was an awful lot of 'Mother Earth'-ing, breathing, and gentle waggling of ankles - but no actual exercise. Fisher was fuming! An entire hour of planned exercise, wasted by a chubby hippy (or a hippy chub).

* * * * *

Right - the above was written 2 days ago, to mark the week's dieting. Basically, I'd lost 3lbs at that point and was cock-a-whoop. Now, of course, I've put an inexplicable pound and a half back on, and the future looks somewhat ... bleak. I'm off on a culinary tour with Koi, to mark the occasion of her 30th birthday, and while I will do my damnedest to remain circumspect, I'm also not passing up the opportunity to sample new and exciting cuisines. I shall simply have to do so in small amounts.

I say it's an inexplicable pound and a half, but in actual fact, while I've not really slipped badly on the food stakes I probably haven't been as strict as I should be. I had a slice of lemon cake on Wednesday, which I tried to make up for with vegetable stir fry for supper - but the damage was done. However, yesterday I went for a mile run at a 10 minute pace and then followed it with some circuits in the gym. Not a full-on circuits course, like we do on Thursday nights, but a good half hour or so of 40 second exercises. To be boring and list them would be seriously dull for my reader ... so here we go.

Straight arm pull-down
Chest Press
Lunges with 6kg weights
Lat pull-down
Wall squat with 4kg weight
Press ups
Back Extensions
Plank (which I managed for a pathetic 30 seconds before having to rest. I did complete another 10 seconds, but I am SO bad at core strength!)

I then entertained myself with a Precor fitness test on the static bike. I got 20. This, apparantly, puts me in the 'good God, child, how are you still able to walk around under all that lard?' category. 'Course, you're supposed to do it from a resting heart rate, and I'd done all that exercise before hand, so I hope to GOD it's not accurate.

And the net result of all that activity when I got on the scales this morning?

I'm still up a pound and a half. I had a cheese and ham baguette for supper with a packet of Frazzles (ok, not great, but I was starving and there's only 121 calories and just over 5g fat in Frazzles). For lunch I had cajun prawns ... ok, also in a ciabatta roll. And about 8 chips. That's pretty carb heavy. And I had chips. But that's got nothing - nothing - to do with my gained pound and a half. Oh no. That can all be put down to the time of the month.

Yes, it can.

Oh fuck off.

Fine. Well, today I've had some cereal. I think Phid is cooking for us, so I have no control over supper, but I shall eat sparingly and sensibly to accommodate for any eventuality. So there.