Friday, 4 June 2010

Movin' On.

Well, it's been a while, eh?

Life moves on at its own pace, and I can't say I really know what's going on all the time. I'm still a bit emotionally fragile and find myself struggling at random times - but I'm moving upwards and onwards. Well, ok - I'm moving. The direction is a little ambiguous.

I've been spending a lot of time on the West coast with Yesh, and now I'm moving to Bute for 3 months. I'll be a lot closer to her, but she's not the only reason I'm going. Firstly there's the fact that, if I want to salvage a relationship with Fisher - and I do - I really don't think living with her is a good idea. Secondly, I want to think about the rest of my life and what I'm going to do with it. I run over and over things, but what I come back to every time is writing. So I'm finding a quiet spot in the world where I can concentrate on finishing a novel, and if I can't manage to get something finished then it's a good sign I never will.

Of course, sod's law strikes at the most inopportune times. Having decided to head to Bute for 3 months I received a letter from Historic Scotland regarding a job I applied for months ago. I'd figured they'd put me on the discard pile ages ago - but no. I've got an interview on the 15th June. It's for a position as a monument manager for St Vigeans up near Arbroath. It would be 4 days a week, still leaving me time to write and massage. But it's over an hour's commute from my house every day ... and then there's the fact I don't really know where things are going with Yesh. I don't fancy the idea of seeing her only at the weekends. But it's only for a year's contract, so I could probably cope. More distressing is the thought they'll want me to start before I've come back from Bute. I really, really want these 3 months. I really want to see if I can live alone, and write a book, and what's happening with Yesh.

Still - no point in panicking over what might be. I need to get the interview under my belt before I even have to worry about what to do if I actually get the job. And I don't really think I will, to be honest. It's not like I've got any experience at managing anything at all - and couple that with how ridiculously far away I live, I don't think I'm the ideal candidate. Never mind. It was nice to get an interview. Makes me feel less unemployable.

Everything's happened fast, hasn't it? Fisher and I are both moving on, physically and emotionally - and the future doesn't seem quite as terrifying. I mean ... it's pretty terrifying. Just not as terrifying as it was.

I hope anyone reading this is feeling happy and wholesome, fulfilled and with bright plans on the horizon.