Holly Cottage moves one step closer ...

... to being sold.

Today, Fisher and I went into Dundee and ordered some replacement lino for the kitchen floor (destroyed many months ago by visiting dogs) and some for the bathroom. We got the cheapest available and we're still £300 out of pocket. Still, half of that was paid by the dogs' owners back in February, so that's something. This means we only have to get the new bathroom painted, the leak around the base of the sink repaired, and, y'know, maybe hoover? before we stick the old gal on the market.

Ah, HC. HQ of the Cheeseboard. The site of many raucous - and not so raucous parties. Venue of Friends' Christmas, of Murder Mystery New Year, of birthdays and Easters, of Treasure Hunts and epic battles of Who's in the Bag? (If, reader, you do not know this fantastic game then I urge you to go out and buy it. If for some reason you come from an uncivilised part of the universe where this game is unknown, I suggest you make your own version. Instructions for constructing a home made WitB will follow, as well as rules. Christ I'm sad and pathetic.) Of pots of tea and biscuits, morning fry-ups or American style pancakes and bacon, of Janus's allergies and Koios's ravenous appetite, of drunken ramblings and even drunker wailings and twangings in the name of music. And food. Restaurant nights, Sunday roasts, Fisher's Thai Green Curry and Breakfast Bread, hearty winter stews, summer barbecues, salads, chicken pie ... not to mention the sweet stuff. Apple pie with apples straight from the tree, home made ice cream, Auntie Brave Bird's lemon cheesecake, honey and almond wafers ... and, to finish it all, cheese, cheese, cheese. And who could forget copious bottles of red wine, the odd splashing of white-and-fizzy, cocktail parties in proper frocks (and that was just the men), Jamaica Sundays, whisky sours and mint juleps? And talking, and talking, and talking.

Good old HC. She's had a good life with us. But soon we'll be taking all of the above and moving on - to a bigger, better, older, prettier version - with a bedroom for everyone who comes to stay. No more sleeping on the futon, or a blow-up mattress on the floor. No more cramming around a makeshift dining room in the conservatory. No, my friends - it's time to move on, to accept that we are too old to play the student, that we like our comforts and a little civilisation - and haven't we always sought to bring a little éclat to proceedings?

Let this be the mark of a new era! We are still young, though the shadow of our middle years grows ever longer. Let the party continue, though our eyelids flutter like butterflies at the eleventh hour. A new chapter is just around the corner. We will not go gently into the noontime of our lives, but raise two defiant fingers - and a rather fruity glass of Chateauneuf du Pape. Our time is now! We have sung a rousing chorus, people, but oh - the song goes on. And it shall be sung all the sweeter, for we have learnt the tune (even if some of us are a little flat).

Farewell HC! Your era is past. Soon, soon we shall embrace you all again (although not, like, in an icky carkeys-ina-bowl type way) at our new, brighter, better home - the G-Spot. Huzzah!



Yep. It's official. I've gone stark staring looneytunes. Enough of this. Fisher has finished watching America's Next Top Evil Antithesis to Women Ever Being Taken Bloody Seriously and I have some serious telly time to catch up on. Farewell. I leave you, as promised, with the Holy Grail of Games.

Home Made Who's in the Bag

1. Get a few sheets of A4 paper and hand them round your guests.
   
2. Each guest writes a number of famous names in a large list.
3. Some of these names should have a smiley face next to them. This means they are imitations. Try not to choose names that are completely inimitable, but people who have famous catch-phrases, particular accents, mannerisms etc.
   
4. Some of the names should have AP written above, to denote All Play.
   
5. Tear the paper into individual names and place all of them in the bag.
6. Divide into teams of 2 or more. You're ready to play.

Rules of Who's in the Bag

1. Each team is made up of one reader, and the rest are guessers. The reader changes each round. Everyone must take their turn at being reader.
   
2. The reader takes a piece of paper from the bag and must try and get his/her team to guess who is written on the paper. They may do this through song, dance, mime, imitation, or simple explanation - but, obviously, there are a few words they can't say. They can't, for example, say any of the names on the card (duh). Nor can they use 'sounds like.' To make it trickier, there's a house rule that says you can't, in fact, say any names at all. So, for example, if you got Hillary Clinton on your piece of paper, you couldn't say: "Famous wife of ex-president Bill." You could say "famous wife of an ex-president" though. Or, alternatively, "scary woman senator with a face like a slapped arse."
3. You can pass on ONE card only per turn.
   
4. If you pick out a name with a smiley face next to it, you must imitate the person. This does NOT mean you can just describe the person in your ordinary voice but pretend to be imitating them by using the word "I". Example: certain female player pulls out 'Bob Marley' with a smiley face. Her 'imitation' consists of saying this in her ordinary, very English voice: "Er ... I'm a reggae singer. I sang No Woman No Cry. I've got dreadlocks.' This is not acceptable. Anyone doing this should be taken out and shot.
5. If you pick out a name with AP above the name, this means All Play. Instead of just trying to get your team to guess the name, all players can attempt to guess. The first person to shout out the correct answer wins the card.
6. The player has one turn of an egg timer (or between 45 seconds-1 minute) to get as many names right as possible. If one card is answered correctly, they should take another one from the bag, and so on until the time runs out. Correctly guessed names should be kept and counted up at the end.
   
7. The winning team is the one with the most names in their pile.
8. Points to note: Sometimes a name gets shouted out correctly after the timer has gone. This means the team doesn't get to keep the name - but there's now a card floating about in there that everyone's already heard. In the interests of fairness, it's better to remove the card entirely.
   If you've made your own version of the game, there is a slight problem in that a large number of the names will be ones you've thought of yourself. You can choose to guess them anyway, or you can exercise honesty and agree that, once you recognise that the name is one you put in, you make no further attempt to help your team. Obviously, this only works in teams of more than 2.
   That's that then.