Thursday, 7 February 2008

TV Characters I Hate

So, I've been thinking of late that there are quite a few TV characters I absolutely can't bear - some of whom seem to be considered heroes, much loved by the general populace. I wonder whether this means there's something deeply wrong with my morality?

I want to come up with a top 10 of loathsome characters, but actually I could just list the entire cast of the Sopranos. I'm watching the whole shebang on Channel 4 right now, and the only way it can end well, for me, is if they all die, slowly and painfully, having realised what horrors they've inflicted on people and experiencing agonoies of remorse. But something tells me that's not going to happen.

Anyway - here's my top ... well, 7 actually ... of TV characters I hate.

7. John Carter, from ER (the latter years). I can't stand that blue-eyed American boy shit. Could he possibly be more holier-than-thou?
6. Elle Greenaway from Criminal Minds. A face like a slapped arse, deeply uninspiring as a character, and completely and utterly punchable on sight.
5. Josh Lyman from the West Wing. By all that's holy, could there be a more irritating person? Smug, self-satisfied, one-dimensional, arrogant, selfish - a true politician. He's not fit to lick Toby's boots.
4. Jack, from Lost. Why do people consistently look to him for leadership? He's about the worst example of leadership on the whole programme, and in real life he'd have been consigned to minding his own business until someone needed a doctor. Aggressive, entirely convinced his own opinion is correct, patronising, sexist wanker.
3. Joel Fleischman from Northern Exposure. At least this is an example of good characterisation, and fine acting, because Dr Joel isn't supposed to be likeable (I sincerely hope!) Utterly self-involved, selfish, whingeing, narrow-minded, weak and pathetic - whoever thought he would make a good lead character deserves a medal. How I love to hate him. (On the other hand, the fact he and Maggie get together is just a nonsense. She's pretty prickly herself, but at least she's not utterly anti-social and self obsessed.)
2. Tony Soprano, from The Sopranos. This man kills people in order to make money. There really isn't anything more loathsome. He also cheats on his wife, and should be castrated.
1. Chris Montesanti, from The Sopranos. Not only does he kill people, but he has a deluded sense of grandeur and, as was ably pointed out early on in the series, looks like a camel. But most appalling of all, he had his fianceƩ killed just because he didn't want to become a bored father. Drug addict, woman-beater, utterly repulsive individual. May he die, feet first, in a wood-chipper.

Well, that's that off my chest. Anyone with other characters worthy of putting on the list, let's hear 'em! Come on now - don't be shy.