Lack of Progress

I'm so ashamed at how rubbish I've been at losing weight. I've got 12 days to go, and I'm too scared to step on the scales! Last time I was down 4 lbs.

4lbs.

This is so pathetic it's untrue. It hasn't helped my willpower that of late I've been doing many social things involving a lot of food - but I really, really have to find a way to enjoy being social without eating like an enormous lardarse.

On Friday we had Epona and Shah over for supper and I cooked marjoram& chanterelle mushrooms pancakes as a starter, then lamb shanks 'n' mash for main, and cheese to follow. All delicious, and extremely fattening.

This weekend we had a surprise visit from Sister and family, which was great. Unfortunately, I cooked us a roast chicken on Sat night, with garlic butter and parma ham under the skin. Islander and Sister brought us lobster to start with - which I can't eat, but which Fisher devoured with more glee than is seemly.

On Sunday we took the boys foraging, and they found us a good haul of chanterelles which Fisher and I ate for supper. We are turning into chanterelles. For lunch we went to Gloagburn and I had a chicken mayonnaise sandwich, which was more mayo than chicken. Gemmill nearly got himself eaten by a horse, who took a massive bite out of his jacket. There were no signs up warning us to be careful of the horse, which was in a field with an enormous wolfhound, next to the Tamworth pigs - which do have signs up saying they bite. It's set up to look like the animals are there to be looked at, so I was horrified when the horse proved so savage. It even took a bite out of one of the pigs! Islander sensibly informed the staff that they had a savage horse on their hands, and was thanked for the information. Appparently the horse is in the field as a favour for a friend. You'd think that a public restaurant with animals on display would want to be sure any visiting animals are tame enough not to attack visitors! If Gem hadn't been wearing a thick puffa he would have had a deeply unpleasant bite. I mean, really awful! And before anyone gets all sanctimonious about countryside common sense - lemme tell you, I've got plenty. I went to the horse first, before the children got there, and patted him. He lifted his lips at me and took a swipe - so I started to shepherd Gem away. It was actually as we were moving away that the creature leant right over and took a piece of him as a souvenir.

Anyway, Gem was quite upset about this - but it was soon forgotten after lunch when we went to Active Kids. Gem and Wrecker ran themselves ragged. Gem would be delighted if he could move in to the place - as long as he could easily get home in order to sleep in his own bed each night.

The Islanders left that evening, with boys dressed in PJs and tucked up in the car for the journey back to the West. Fisher and I consumed an enormous supper of mushrooms on toast, followed by delicious chocolate cake and cream. Brilliant, brilliant dietary work. Not forgetting the 2 peanut butter sandwiches I'd devoured earlier owing to starvation.

So, obviously, Monday morning saw me avoiding the scales like billy-oh and determining that, with the 12 days I had left of this stupid diet, I would eat nothing but the occasional lettuce leaf. Unfortunately (for the diet), we were honoured with a visit from Blar, Spar, and Baby Belle. It was terrific to see them, and we headed off to Abernyte antique centre to see if we couldn't find them a carpet for their living room. Of course, this involved having lunch there - so I chose the Fisherman's Platter in a poor bid to go low fat. A deep fried fish cake, no matter how small, is not low fat. Nor is mackerel paté - although I only had a mouthful or two of it, as it was slightly warm and nasty. Having skipped breakfast I devoured 3 slices of bread, too. I think bread is my downfall. I must cut it considerably.

Spar, Blar and BB left at around 6, so Fisher and I went to the gym. I did my usual run from the gate to the gym as a warm up, which is about 1.1 miles. I'd planned on doing that at a reasonable pace, then having a 1km swim. Unfortunately, this went tits up - and here's why.

Throughout my running 'career' (*snort* if it were any such thing I'd SOOO have been fired by now) I've been occasionally dogged by excruciating cramps in my lower abdomen - very much like period pains of the most acute kind. It used to happen every now and again around my time of the month - a week or so before, and during. Now, however, it seems to be happening with alarming regularity. It's particularly unpleasant when running downhill after running uphill for a while. Nor, I hasten to add, am I talking about actual period pains. They are as nothing in comparison. This feels like someone has taken my womb and is slowly wringing it between their hands. When it's particularly bad, as it was last night, I find myself seeking relief on my hands and knees by the side of the road, trying not to be sick. Unfortunately, kneeling, bending over, even lying on my back helps not one iota. The pain comes in waves, gradually building then slightly releasing (but not going away) before building again. It is truly agonizing - and I have a pretty high pain threshold.

So, anyway, after running about 3/4s of a mile I found myself lying on the grass by the side of the road just praying for the pain to stop. Interestingly, 3 cars went past me and nobody stopped to ask if I was ok. I'm sorry, but if I saw someone in running clothes crouched on their knees at the side of the road, I would definitely stop to see if they were ok. Fucking barbarians. It took about 10 minutes for it to pass, and by the time I got into the gym - where Fisher was pounding the treadmill with her usual determination - I was feeling pretty shaky. But the pain was gone, so I got on the treadmill and did half a mile, to make sure I'd covered the mile I'd promised myself.

I was still thinking I'd swim my click after the mile, but I couldn't face getting changed, showered, and into the pool. So, after 2 minutes or so of dithering, I got back on the treadmill and ran another 2 miles. I did them in about 21 minutes, felt no pain, and then attempted to do some weights.

I was pathetic. I couldn't do more than 12 reps on the bicep curl, with the weight at 6 (15kg?). I just hadn't got the energy. I was weak as a kitten. I did some abdominal work, which I badly need, but other than that I just sort of hung around while Fisher finished up her 7 miles. She was terrific - which made me feel even more pathetic, but v v proud of her.

That brings me up to date. In a second I will go and weigh myself, then shoot myself in the head. Then go to Tesco and buy naught but fruit, veg and laxatives.

Adios.